For centuries, God’s creation story was passed down orally. I first heard it through a friend of a friend of someone who was almost there. Here’s how it goes.
Creation
In the beginning, God wasn’t really sure that it was the beginning. After all, humans weren’t around yet and weren’t they the ones who invented time?
Still, God had an inkling. It’s time to get down to work, he thought to himself aloud and then giggled because no-one was there to hear him.
This made him ponder the question, if a god makes a world in a universe and there is no-one there to see it, does it really exist at all?
“I better add people to the mix”, God decided (although it should be acknowledged that at this point, God didn’t call himself God yet. After all, with no people around, who was he supposed to be God to? Why not be Alfred, Linda or Hugh?).
With all this confusion, it’s a wonder that the project got off the ground at all. Perhaps this is best explained by the fact that there was no ground either. It was impossible to get off to a bad start because there had never been another start. God was number one by default. Besides, He hadn’t even conjured up ideas of right and wrong.
Under these forgiving circumstances (which further confuses things because it implies that someone else was around to offer God forgiveness) Yahweh got down to business. When I say Yahweh, I am of course referring to God (who ended up with a few different names because He was lonely and wanted to feel like He was surrounded by peers similar to Himself). These nicknames are generally known to religious insiders as God’s first creations, but because of the majesty of His other works, they usually don’t get a lot of airplay.
“Genesis”, God yelled to get the ball rolling. Right then and there, Jehovah knew that creating a detailed universe would require a lot of heavy lifting. Since it was His first work week ever, God made Himself a promise. “If you work hard all week, I’ll give you Saturday off”, the Lord told Himself, immediately reaping the benefits of self employment. Days, nights, Saturdays: God was making all of this stuff up on the fly. And so, God was the first ever to create the concept of “winging it”.
During these sessions, God stumbled upon the fact that he didn’t even need to get physical. All he had to do was say “Let there be” and things seemed to happen. Light, night, water, land: a lot of this stuff was accidental due to God adding subjects to His sentences. Still, God saw that it was good and so He thought, why not make some animals?
In His fabled few day career, these were “I Am’s” greatest achievements yet. People often give “G” credit for making animals of every kind, but really, He was just trying to make anything. Faces, noses, ears and limbs became His rhythm. In the interest of variety, He threw in horns and hooves here and there. Sometimes, the creatures He made frightened Him. If the armadillo wasn’t a clear sign that things were spinning out of control, then the platypus was a cry for help that couldn’t be ignored (although it was, because who else was there to lend a helping hand?).
God finally set to work creating people to run this hotdog stand of a planet. His resources spent and the “Let there be” catchphrase growing old, he settled upon making human beings out of dirt and each other. It wasn’t His finest hour, but then again, it was pretty much Friday.
The work week behind him, He rested (which is basically what He had been doing since before the beginning of time).
By: Alex Headley
(the very Headley of, Headley Talks, a blog written by Headley but inspired by God.)







